Rudi Swanepoel on woundedness and what we yearn for

A pastor and author’s thoughts on whether we are vessels or originators, an Afrikaans TV series, stage fright, and holy ground.

1 Apart from being a pastor, you’re a wordsmith. What do you particularly enjoy writing?

I love reflecting on what I observe and feel. Most of the time, when I write something down after a period of pondering a certain thought or feeling, there seems to be resonance with what I expressed. Someone would say: ‘Thank you for helping me to put what I thought or felt into words.’ This is a humbling experience, affirming that we are only vessels and not originators.

2 Tell us more about the Afrikaans series on VIA you’re involved in, Ons Vir Jou.

The 7-episode series is the fruit of my friendship with Ivor Swartz (also a pastor). Early on in our friendship, we established that we were not going to pretend that we are not who we are: I am a white man (with a certain background) and he is a brown man (with a certain background). During the course of our friendship we discovered that we are able to have difficult conversations with each other. Ons vir Jou was born from this, so what we did was to simply include more conversation partners: authors, overcomers or academics. The topics mostly centre around reconciliation, humanity and what it means to be a South African in 2023.

3 Do you ever suffer from stage fright when up on the podium or in front of the microphone or camera?

Most people do not believe me when I say this, but yes, I do. I suspect that I may have a mild case of social anxiety and here’s where people roll their eyes or just burst out laughing, because I am mostly perceived as quite a bubbly extrovert. So yes – I am both energised and excited by an audience or crowd, but also (always) nervous.

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4 Which challenges arise when one works as a pastor?

When a pastor lives in community with others (like most do), you share in the life-and-death moments of people’s lives. While it is a massive privilege (and most definitely holy ground), it is normally quite emotionally charged. I am an intuitive feeler, meaning that I quickly pick up other people’s feelings, whether pain or elation. Over the years I have become a bit better at ‘leaving work at the door’, as opposed to years ago when I would bring it home with me. I quickly discovered that this was not sustainable and with the help of wise mentors and most notably my sagely wife Carina, I started developing healthier boundaries and habits.

5 Which yearning do you notice among people today?

All people, in all cultures, in all times have (or have had) yearnings. I do think they are essentially the same: the need to be seen and heard, the need to be known and loved (often despite being known). In a mass-media culture, there is heightened competition for ANY kind of attention. I do think that this is (especially in young people) anxiety-inducing (am I loved, am I seen, am I good enough?) I often worry that we are not getting the basics right: living consistently and deliberately together with others in life-affirming relationships. I think that should be our goal, and I do not believe that it’s unattainable, difficult as it may be.

6 What is your wellspring (or wellsprings) of strength?

A daily confrontation with my woundedness. The fact that Life (God) makes healing possible, is one of the things that give me strength and courage to face each day. Feeling connected to my loved ones sustains me. Expressing myself invigorates me.

7 What do you deeply appreciate about your wife, Carina?

The fact that she is one of the biggest sources of health to all around her, but in a special way to me. She is the biggest conduit of grace that I have ever come across. She has no judging bone in her body, but she is not afraid to speak the truth. I have never once felt that she wanted to change me, although my growth has been important to her. If I have given her one tenth of what she has given me, I would be eternally grateful.

8 What is one lesson you’ve learnt from each of your children?

In no particular order (and without identifying the four of them): the courage to be, the courage to care, the courage to dare, the courage to work hard.

About Rudi

Rudi Swanepoel is a pastor and author from Johannesburg.  

Facebook: Rudi Swanepoel

Instagram: rudeswan

The second Ons Vir Jou TV series, which kicked off on Thursday 23 February 2023 at 18.00, can be viewed on VIA (DStv channel 147)

Ons Vir Jou: www.onsvirjou.tv

Photograph of Rudi Swanepoel: supplied

All other images: Unsplash