Daryl Brown on make-believe, being stubborn and London ducks
Daryl Brown, a Capetonian working in marketing, survived a suicide attempt in which he lost both his legs. His emotional recovery and mastery of living with his disability point us to courage and hope. His love of life is heartening. Although Daryl still has depression, he finds ways to make his spirit soar - like singing, whether on stage or off.
1. You live in the coastal town, Melkbosstrand. What do you particularly like about Cape Town and surrounds?
I love all the culture in and around Cape Town. From the historic buildings and wine farms to the theatres, restaurants and festivals, there are so many ways of learning something new, tapping into one's creativity, and connecting with others. We are also blessed with an abundance of beautiful nature, from our Table Mountain and unique fynbos to the ocean and West Coast wildflowers.
2. What did you love doing as a child?
I loved playing make-believe in our garden, climbing the trees and hiding in the bushes. Often I would pretend to be characters from my favourite television programmes, such as The Mysterious Cities of Gold and Brakanjan. I also enjoyed dressing up in my grandmother's jewellery and makeup - I loved the tinkling sounds her bracelets made and all the bright and glamorous colours that she wore.
3. Which forms of support do you think a school-going child really needs?
Children should be encouraged to express themselves in any way that makes them happy, regardless of their gender. If a boy loves music and movement, let him take dancing lessons; if a girl wants to play sports, let her join a team. This is important not just to affirm their sense of self but also for them to experience joy, which will aid their mental and emotional health.
Image: Unsplash
4. You completed your Master’s degree in marketing in London. Tell us about your favourite haunts and outings!
London was the first place that felt like home to me and I felt like I belonged there. It is such a vibrant city, full of life, and too vast to ever be fully known - you can turn any corner and discover something brand new. Every borough has its own parks and I often went walking and looked at the ducks. I loved watching musicals and plays in the West End theatres, visiting the many markets, bar hopping in Soho or clubbing with my friends. I loved the public transport system - no matter where you want to go, an Oyster card (which you can use on trains, buses, or the Tube) will get you there.
5. In our podcast conversation you talk about returning to South Africa after your suicide attempt and seeing your friends in a new light. What do you value in a friend?
Openness and honesty are very important to me. If someone shares their life and their problems with me, it makes it much easier for me to open up to them about my own life. Friendship also requires reciprocal effort; I make the most time for friends who also reach out to me.
6. Although you are working in marketing, you’re determined to become a clinical psychologist and have completed your Honours degree. What motivates you to follow this course of action?
My first talking therapy session with a psychologist was the major turning point for me after my suicide attempt. It was the first time in years that I felt hope again that I could overcome my depression and now I would love to be able to help others in the same way. I am also very passionate about raising awareness of mental health, especially among teenagers and young adults, because perhaps if I had understood depression a bit better, I would have seen a psychologist before I got to the point of suicide.
Approaching a friend who seems to be struggling can help them to open up. Image: Unsplash
7. As someone who knows what living with depression is like, could you give us some tips on approaching a person who has this “silent illness”?
When someone asks, "How are you?", there's a social convention of just saying "Fine" or "Good", regardless of what's really happening in one's life. The same goes for, "Are you okay?", which allows for a one-word answer of "Yes/No" - usually "Yes”. This makes it very easy for someone struggling with depression to deflect attention from themselves, because the illness makes it difficult to describe one's emotional and mental state. It completely clouds one's mind.
So, when you're approaching someone with depression, instead of simply asking how they are, mention what you've noticed that is causing your concern for them. For example, say "You've lost weight. Are you eating? You seem tired and distracted, which isn't like you. What's going on?" This will make the other person feel seen and cared for and will provide tangible evidence that they can't deny or evade. It also invites them to tell you how they are feeling and what is happening in their lives, rather than giving a simple one-word reply.
Listen to Daryl’s podcast interview with Mariette on his years of depression and how his life changed after his suicide attempt.
Daryl, involved in World Suicide Day: “The shoes surrounding me are supposed to represent all the men who die by suicide every week in South Africa.” (SADAG)
8. You use a wheelchair to get about. What is a thoughtful way to approach someone in a wheelchair?
I value my independence, so I get very annoyed when someone starts pushing my chair or "helping" me in some other way without me asking for their help. I'm also quite stubborn, so I don't ask for help unless I really need it, but being in the wheelchair has forced me to accept help more readily. I've seen the best in people, because there is always someone around who is willing to help when I need it. I've also seen an ugly side to some people, who treat me as though I have a mental disability as well as a physical disability, simply because I am in the wheelchair.
The best way to approach someone in a wheelchair is to treat them as you would anyone else - when you greet them, stand where they can see you. If it looks like they need help, ask them what you can do to help, rather than simply assuming and grabbing their chair. To many of us, our chairs feel like an extension of our bodies, and simply laying your hands on it without an invitation can feel invasive and violating.
9. How did Covid-19 and lockdown affect you, and did you learn anything of value?
I'm quite an introvert, so I actually loved lockdown! However, I wouldn't have managed it if I didn't still have limited contact with a few people. I learnt that quality time with people that matter is much more beneficial to me than a lot of socialising with a wide network of people.
Daryl as Radio Operator Bob McCaffrey in a production of “South Pacific” in the Artscape Opera House
10. You love singing and have been taking singing lessons for five or six years. Where have you performed and how did you experience the performances?
I have performed in several concerts at the Pinelands Players Clubhouse, which is a small, intimate venue, and I enjoyed connecting with the audience on a more personal level there.
In 2019 I performed in a production of the musical South Pacific at the Artscape Opera House, which seats almost 1 500 people. That was an electrifying experience! Of course I felt nervous appearing in front of all those people every night, but I also felt a thrill at the honour of simply being on the same stage where I'd seen some of the greatest musicals, operas, and ballets of all time! At the same time, it was calming to know that I was there as part of a team of talented people who all had my back. And then of course, hearing the roar of applause from that huge audience gave me such a high!
At the moment I am rehearsing for a new concert called Off Kilter, which opens on 28 May at the Theatre Arts Collective in Observatory. Due to Covid restrictions, the audience size for each performance is limited to just eighteen people, which will be my smallest audience yet. However, I think there's going to be a real sense of camaraderie between all of us having got through the past year together. Our rehearsals are fun and it feels great to be singing in front of people again after so long.
11. You have kindly recorded a song for this article. Please tell us about “Dear Anyone”.
The song is called “Dear Anyone” and it was written by Andy Monroe, an American musical theatre composer. My singing teacher found this song and asked me to sing it in a concert about mental health, which we have not yet produced. It resonates with me because it so accurately and poignantly describes the state of mind of someone struggling with depression and teetering on the brink of suicide. It feels almost like it was written for me.
12. In spite of having depression and using a wheelchair to get about, you describe yourself as being in a good place emotionally and mentally. How do you keep your spirits up?
Singing has been a lifesaver for me. When I'm singing I feel absolutely free and my spirits soar. It doesn't even need to be "happy" music, as long as I can connect with the lyrics or it has a good melody. My friends are also very important to me. I'm terrible at small talk, so whenever I'm with a friend, we're being real, sharing with and encouraging each other, and that feeds my soul.
Contact details
Daryl Brown is from Cape Town and works in marketing. He gives talks at schools and in the corporate environment: darylbrown3@gmail.com
The South African Depression and Anxiety Group: www.sadag.org
Thumbnail image: Unsplash
Photographs of Daryl Brown: supplied